Choosing the Cage of Fear

“…did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?” – Pink Floyd

I think most people choose the cage. On the conscious level, I would absolutely say that I’d prefer a walk on role in something meaningful than a lead role in a prison. Still, I choose the cage-- the prison. For the most part, I know why I do. It comes from a more unconscious place, one which I haven’t been able to will myself out of. I can’t, or won’t, turn the compassion I have for others toward myself. I know that this is the way out of the cage, but I fear that I will melt into mediocrity if I do. That others will take advantage of me— swallow me up, find pleasure in my mistakes, or simply use me for their own benefit. I fear, maybe, that I will disappear. The times I’ve tried to open myself and let my guard down and be more visible have backfired. They have not been liberating. So I choose the cage. And ironically, it is there that I disappear and melt into mediocity and disappoint myself. Still, I have more compassion for others who choose the same. And I think I will continue to try to escape, even if I'm not sure how to do so.