Chiron

A concerned passion, becomes fervor, then rage.
He tries, unsuccessfully, to cover his wounds.

His heart dwells in loneliness known only to him
And he feigns a smile which has become habit.

Words and actions are not habitual, though
They speak from a soulful place, intended and meant.

Generous, compassionate, warm, and empathic,
His heart heals others more easily than it receives.

He deserves forgiveness, which can only come from within.
I pray that he can give and receive this, and be open to love again.

The Puppeteer

With Self planted firmly on the ground
His gorgeous body speaks a confidence
that needs no words or gestures.

From across the room he enters me
Igniting and Consuming at once
The pulse of my aliveness
And I fear I will die without him.

I am a puppet now,
Too willing to be pulled by the invisible strings
And by the power he wields while sleeping.

Robbed of my groundedness
And penetrated by a force I cannot withstand
I lose myself, my confidence, my power
And fear my pulse is the next to go.

The Surgeon's Gift

The gift came wrapped in the most unusual materials:
Chemicals on a cotton swab, a band-aid, an x-ray.
Utterly unknown by the giver, it was nevertheless delivered with
care-ful and generous hands, warmed by the compassion
that was the gift.

He was a stranger in more ways than one:
An unfamiliar brand of surgeon, not known by me,
unaware—perhaps—of his own healing power.

Yet his presence (presents) stirred within me,
both strange and familiar, soulful, uncanny, welcomed.
Unknown to the giver, he awakened in me a call from life,
to be, to dwell, toward openness.

“This is the stuff of life,” we seemed to agree.
Bandages delivered with warmth; a witness to suffering;
bearing pain; dwelling;
and the melancholy that comes with knowing this is all there is.

Like the vanishing moment of a tender kiss
Never to be had again, it was somehow enough.
Unknown to the giver, he touched me with the lips of life,
offering an overflowing sense of love
that was the gift.

The Dwelling Space

The texture of sweetness
marks the walls,

which whisper tales of vision, tension,
thoughtful execution of goals

and hold the passion
that built more than these rooms.

They frame a dwelling space
whose young roots

balance the yearning of
wings to soar and to comfort

with an integrity and concern
familiar to the hearts of those who built.

And the fury they once held
has disappeared

leaving only the beauty
that will sustain my craft

and the pride-- a generous
gift, which has now become my own.

A Prayer For Ignorance

She disappeared, now living in a world unreal
Seduced by sea and clouds and stars
Dreaming of the marrow tasted only
In this unreality

Here, she lives as though decapitated
Without connection between what is known and felt
Haunted by the question
Of what is real

With the aching awareness of
The painful desire never to be answered
Fearing death, here,
Even as trees grow and children play

Now she prays for forgetfulness
And for ignorance
Wanting to answer the invitation toward reentry;
Though the only answer she hears is no.

Is She For Me?

A friend recently asked me for some relationship advice. It seems most of us need relationship advice or guidance once in a while. While dating, a popular question often arises: Is she/ he for me? Is this the "right" one? One would think that if one does not know the answer, then the answer is probably no, but relationships and our feelings within them are more complicated than this. Getting back to my friend, after I contemplated and meditated on what any of us might benefit from hearing or knowing, the following insights came to me:

If you meet a woman who touches you in such a way that your soul aches to be known by her; And your soul aches so intensely that you would almost be willing to risk everything that intimacy with her would entail; And that includes dancing, sober, with her and gazing into her eyes as you release your soul into the movement of your body so that she can know and see you in all of your rawness... If you meet a woman and find yourself feeling this way, ignore all of your fears and keep moving toward the dance.

For anyone struggling with feelings of confusion in a new relationship, or an old one, you may ask yourselves, Am I afraid of feeling this way with this person or am I afraid of never feeling this way?

If you fear feeling this way, then you are probably suffering from a case of fear of intimacy, which is most likely rooted in past wounds; and although aimed at keeping you safe, the fear is probably keeping you stuck instead. If you, rather, sense/fear that you'll never feel this way with this particular person, then it may be your intuition guiding you away from a relationship that will never fulfill your need to feel alive and free within connection.

The problem arises here: Most of us are not aware enough to catch our fear of intimacy. It may show up as an externalization of the problem. For example, "She is too needy," which is a way of locating the problem outside of oneself. The potential for a passionate and soulful connection is then sabbaotaged by a falsehood that you come to believe. The potential for the connection is so scary that it leads you to lie to yourself, finding something(s) wrong with the other person and convincing yourself that that is the problem. So how does one avoid this trap?

An investment in therapy with a compassionate, self-aware, and intuitive therapist can help you to tease apart what is really true for you. This can be long-term work, and a worthwhile investment as it gives you the clarity you need to make these distinctions for yourself. In the meantime, I have two other suggestions.

One, imagine the following. If you could create your life to look any way you wanted it to, and you knew that you would have the full support of the universe in doing so (in other words, no one would judge you, no one would think you were selfish, no one would be hurt by your decisions, and in fact the world would be just as it needed to be if you attained your desires), what would this life look like? Take your time to imagine this and notice what you see and feel. Who is in your life? What are your priorities? How do you enact your values? Spend your time? etc...

Then, ask yourself, is this relationship taking me toward this vision?

Two, try the dance thing. Try to dance with your partner, sober, and as you do so gaze into his/her eyes while freeing your soul into the movement of your body, allowing him/her to know you in that way. If you feel scared shitless, but alive, ignore the fear and keep on moving.