A Knock at the Door

Several major financial institutions are crashing around me- including one that paid my bills for a while as my husband's employer- and I remain self-focused, wondering if I will ever be happy again. I hate this about myself: The self-absorption. Yet I can't seem to shake it. Writing-- here, now-- is an attempt at this. Maybe if I get it out I'll be able to widen my now myopic lens. (May be not.)

As far as the banking crisis goes, I'm reminded that I also have a perspective which is the opposite of myopic, even wider than broadminded actually. It is more like I can remove myself from earth and float above, witnessing centuries of happenings all at the same time. From this perspective I am very calm. It has to happen this way. We cannot see it if we’re in it, but this is part of a much larger progression. And progress sometimes requires knocking things down in order to begin anew, hopefully learning something along the way. We've gotten way too carried away and this is the correction. Not just a market correction; a way-of-being correction. We haven't been living consciously for a very long time. We might even say that we should have woken-up many, many times already. But we’ve ignored these calls. And as is the case with individual lives, worlds collapse as well when the tapping and then knocking and then pounding is ignored. The door has been knocked down completely at this point, along with crumbling walls, and torn-up floors, and crashing ceilings. And it's okay because we need this in order to move forward more thoughtfully, with more awareness, more responsibly, and with an eye to what we truly value and how to nurture such. Hopefully, we’ll listen this time around.

In the meantime, I’m trying to hear the knocks on my individual door. I truly want to be open to changing in whatever ways I need to, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes, including being alone for the rest of my life. I’m just not convinced that this is where I supposed to be. So I’ll keep listening, trying to bring awareness to the impending crash in order to minimize it. And if things have to crash, I will try to imagine the broadminded, floating-above-earth perspective that is so much easier for me to achieve on the collective level.