SEARCHING FOR WISDOM

I have been thinking, recently, about what my epitaph might say. What words will sum up my life? “She lived and died unhappy, but never stopped trying.” This one is in the lead currently, as I prefer it to “She was competent,” which is the other choice. My friend Eric wrote to me recently and commented that I was “vivid, beautiful, and real.” I would love to live up to those words, but I’m not there yet. Eric sees potential, I believe, and his courageous ability to live vulnerably and share himself openly inspires me. His words made me happy for a moment, even if I didn’t believe them myself.

In any event, it seems I have been blessed and cursed in this life with a quest for wisdom of the spiritual type, a search for happiness, a journeying toward the meaning, or secrets, of life. The search itself, however, seems to create a sort of unhappiness. Obviously, there are lessons of surrender and acceptance in this life that I have yet to fully experience.

In an effort to come closer to all of this, I am searching for spiritual teachers. I think there are teachers out there and that they live the sorts of lives we might consider ordinary. They do dishes and take care of pets and husbands and struggle with illness and loss and the grief and beauty of life both coming and going. They witness, each and every day, "one more sun [come] sliding down the sky” (Counting Crows)-- and they get that this is life. I would like to learn from these souls.

Of course, children embody this wisdom better than any of us. They know a lot about happiness and good living and being present in the now. I witness their engagement with life with curiosity and admiration. I know they have a lot to teach me.

I am guessing that older individuals as well, and perhaps women in particular, know a lot about life. I would like to learn from them. We learn a lot over a lifetime and I am curious about what older women have learned with regard to living fully, openly, and with joy. I am curious to hear what they have to say about suffering. What are their regrets? What were the turning points in their lives? What brings them joy now? What would they tell a 30-something year old about living authentically and fully? After 60 years of living, are they closer to understanding what the meanings of these things we call life and love are?

If you are, or know of, a woman who is approximately 60 years or older who would be willing to meet with me to talk about her life, please contact me at the number below. The “interviews” will be conversations. I will ask individuals to share something about their life history and will ask about significant times and turning-points in their lives. Our conversations will be somewhat of a mix of describing one’s life and reflecting upon what one has learned. At this time, the project is purely personal. I am doing it for my own interest. However, as a psychologist and writer, I may use the material to write a personal or academic piece or to present my findings at a conference at some point in the future. A full consent form explaining the rights of all participants, including confidentiality and privacy, will be provided prior to the interviews.

The criteria are simple: Women who are approximately 60 years or older and who are willing to talk about their lives and what they have learned. Confidential interviews will be scheduled in 1-2 hour blocks, or participants can correspond by email. In-person interviews can be conducted in my office or in a participant’s home or an otherwise agreed upon place. I will begin with open-ended questions and will determine follow-up questions and the direction of the conversation based on responses to the initial questions. I may use astrology as a window into a person’s life and for this reason may ask for birth data prior to the interview; this approach is optional. I am interested in having conversations, more than traditional interviews, about the topics listed above. Participants will be free to share as much or as little as they wish, and all identifying information will remain confidential. It is my hope that participants gain something from the interviews as well. Reflecting on one’s experiences and sharing the stories of one’s life, especially in the presence of a listening ear and heart, can be a therapeutic experience which leaves one with increased self-knowledge, self-empathy, and love.

To learn more or express an interest in the project, please call: 860-432-8016, extension 0.