MESSAGE FROM A SNAKE

I was greeted by a snake on my way into my office this morning. Although startled at first, I took out my phone to snap a picture. I got close to the snake. Too close, I guess, because the snake scurried away disappearing into a bush. I didn’t get the picture, but the essence of the snake is with me today. I’m looking around my office waiting for it to crawl through a corner somewhere.

The truth is I’m both fascinated and totally scared by snakes. I have a purple one, carved from wood and painted with a pattern that creates its tell-tale leathery skin. On this particular snake it's a pattern within which painted flowers are interspersed. The purple, flowery snake sits on my desk. It is much less scary to me than is the garden snake that is sitting right outside my office as I type. Not surprisingly, it is just this ambivalence that marks my relationship with these creatures, who have always been a rich metaphorical symbol for me. Some of the key words and phrases that come to mind for this symbol are: Transformation, temptation, evil, kudilini, shedding of the skin, the garden of Eden, restriction, and freedom.

After the snake scurried away and with my own skin still crawling from this encounter, I sat down at my desk and clicked-in to my favorite website (Plantetwaves.net) to garner some blogging inspiration for the day. This time, a question greeted me. “What do you do with fear?” Well, at the current moment I am looking around my office waiting for it to creep in through a corner! And just a few minutes ago, I tried to snap a picture of it. I guess I try to get close to my fear; to wait for it and then greet it back when it greets me.

Over time, it has become easier to face my fears. I know that doing so helps me to grow, and personal growth is a bit of a necessity for me. It’s an impulse that comes from deep within and I seem to have no choice in the matter. It’s on par with drinking water and sleeping—I just need to do it. This doesn’t mean that I always do it well, or successfully, or even effectively. Far from it. It’s just that I have to grow; and facing fear is part of this.

The more difficult feeling for me is the anxiety that sometimes comes after making a decision that is NOT based in fear. I tend to then feel guilty, as though these decisions are wrong. Some of the things that scare me most are disappointing others, prioritizing my own needs and desires, and putting myself authentically “out there.” I’m desperately afraid of turning into a selfish bitch and I fear hurting other people with my own needs. When I make decisions that are NOT rooted in these fears, I feel guilty. I feel guilty precisely because I am choosing to do something differently, thereby going against everything I thought to be true based on years of growing up in a certain family, culture, religion etc. I’m learning to take this as a good sign, though, as I did with my symbolic snake encounter this morning.

I believe the snake greeted me as a harbinger of transformation. After a very difficult day-- resulting from the kind of non-fear-based decision and ensuing guilt that I referenced above— the universe seems to be sending me a message: That I am, in fact, in the midst of transformation. I’m about to shed my skin, perhaps, even as it crawls with fear.