To Tat or Not to Tat

I have temporary guardianship of my nephew, who has been living with me for the summer. This means that decisions such as curfew are made by me. One decision I’ve had to make recently was whether to allow him to get a tattoo, or not.

I have a fondness for tats and am attracted to the idea of marking one’s body, especially if it is approached with a respect for the potentially sacred spirit of such an act. There are those individuals who decide to get inked in a moment of drunkenness when they pass a tattoo studio on their way home from the bars. Many other individuals, though, have put thought—sometimes a lot of thought—into what they will wear on their body for the remainder of their lives. It strikes me as an act of rather intense intimacy with oneself, which is an experience that I see lacking in our culture. We tend to seek what we're looking for from others, rather than looking within. Getting inked often involves a process of looking inward, and the tatoos we choose often reflect our relationships with ourselves, or the relationship between our selves and the world-- reflecting something about what we wish others to see in us. We ink ourselves with inspirational words and images that we believe best reflect who we are, or who we wish to become.

Given my fondness for tatoos and the meanings they hold, the decision to tat or not to tat my nephew was a relatively easy one for me to make. I told him that I would allow it after he completed a five week summer program focused on character building, which he did. And so we’re going to the tatoo artist tomorrow. He has the drawing, which represents a sort-of rebirth that he has recently experienced: A rising up from and through the darkness, guided by divine forces that bring him closer to the light. A very enlightened image for a 17 year old to create. Still, as tomorrow approaches I notice some doubt. His mom, who initally agreed to this when I consulted her, was having second thoughts. I know that my parents, with whom my nephew is very close, will be outraged. It's a large tatoo that will fill his entire upper left arm. It's his second and they were none too happy with his first, even with its inspirational message intended to honor my father. His school will probably want to have a talk with me, labelling me as one of the many parents of their students who need a lesson in strong parenting. And what would my friends and colleagues say? Especially those that are mothers? How would they view my decision? In short, others' responses and potential responses have led me to question myself and my judgement. How could I have possibly agreed to allow my beloved 17 year old nephew to carve a wound into his entire upper arm?

As is often the case for me, it's been difficult to know if these are my doubts or if I'm just absorbing something from others. So I settled myself and tried to get back to my initial feelings about this. I wish to encourage Daniel's self-expression and his freedom to make choices, I reminded myself. I support his desire to mark his experience of rebirth,... He is almost an adult and it is time for him to make more decisions for himself, accepting more responsiblity and accountability for such decisions... The tatoo really isn't the issue, I remembered. Maybe to tat or not to tat is not the question. I think its more like to choose awareness or not to choose the same. Can we choose to have as full awareness as possible about the motivations and desires that drive our decisions and actions? This, to me, is the definition of freedom and it comes with great responsibility. My job as guardian of my nephew, I decided, was to help him cultivate such awareness and responsibility. So, with that intention, I created the following tatoo prayer for him:

May all the angels and gods that watch over Daniel gather together and protect him tomorrow as he literally marks a part of his journey that he has imaged as a lotus, which rises out of the mud and muck into beauty. May the angel represented in his tatoo, with her large, striking, protective wings, always remind him of the many angels that will be by his side at all times as he continues his journey through life. And may the symbol of resurrection help him to know that when we have the courage to go through we do indeed get to the other side. Most of all, may the gods and angels that look over Daniel help him to make choices in life that are based in ever expanding awareness and responsibility for all that he brings into this world. Amen.