Thank God for Snow!

Thank God for snow! I'm hpoing to be snowed-in here in the northeast tomorrow, which will finally give me not only the time to get back to my writing, but the space to reflect. My desire to write comes from either: (1) Deep and passionate longing or(2) A poetic way of experiencing the world-- a sort of sensibility that I can access only when I stop long enough to notice what's around me. I'm not sure what has me so busy these days but that space has been missing. And I'm feeling it; it's lack, that is. I'm tired, run-down, cranky, and haven't been feeling much of anything. I need my space back...

I need to write about how I felt as though I were dying last weekend. My body was shut down, my psyche was soooo shut down. And I did everything I could, from that shut down state, to bring the sort of awareness that might turn this crazy experience into an ego death--- intentionally letting those parts of me I no longer need fall away.

I need to write about all the pain in the world that I see close up and whether we can find meaning in that, or not.

I need to write about how my couple's therapist told my husband and me (though I think it was really me) how he couldn't help us... he didn't know what to do or where to lead us. He didn't know how to work with my resentment. What kind of psychotherapist-- and one who works with couples-- doesn't know how to work with f--king resentment?!

I need to write about how I spend too much money at Christmas time because of how much I love buying great gifts.

In sum, I need to process the tension, stress, pain, disappointment, grief, and even the numbness I've been feeling and I do this best by writing about it.

I hope to be back to this regularly, and soon. Tomorrow, I'll start with a visit to our neighborhood Shaman, who has been helping me in ways similar to how writing does... which is yet another topic for future posts.