I Love You Anyway... and Always

I didn't think you looked very good
Lacking a pulled together sense of fashion
Reflecting a lack in that longed-for solidity of Self
And I loved you anyway.

The vibe was absent this past time.
The energy not-there
Reminded me that this is usually how it is with us
But I desired you all the same.

And I know I feel something, always.
Your darkness, lack, hated-fragility
Pulling for a mirror and camera which together might heal
So I long to caress you.

I wish for the healing
I want for you
I long for you to be whole

I should have said Yes to the sharing.

For My Favorite Men

Great Song by Alanis Morissette

You are the bravest man I've ever met
You unreluctant at treacherous ledge

Oh, You are the sexiest man I've ever been with
You, never hotter than with armor spent

When you do what you do to provide
How you land in the soft as you fortify

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won't you lead the rest of your cavalry home

You, with your eyes mix strength with abandon
You with your new kind of heroism

And I bow and I bow down to you
To the grace that it takes to melt on through

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why don't you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

You are the greatest man I've ever met
You the stealth setter of new precedents

And I vow and I vow to be true
And I vow and I vow not to take advantage

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won't you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man...

The Nature of Love...

I was listening to Martina McBride's This One's for the Girls this morning. It's a simple song that has a powerful effect on me. "To love without holding back" is a huge goal of mine this days. I know that it is what I am meant to do here on earth, and in many respects, this is not difficult for me. I tend to love easily, to fall in love often, and to joy in the experience of revealing myself from within this place of love. The intensity with which I can love, though, renders me vulnerable; and this can be painful.

I'm trying to explore ways of transforming my own love nature. I have a difficult time reconciling my desire for intense, transcendent love that is nevertheless ultimately personal (which I have never experienced except in one-sided fantasy) with that of my belief that I can (and perhaps, should) love anybody and everybody-- i.e., that my love should not discriminate. I do tend to experience such discrimination though. I feel more strongly toward some than others. What makes a person feel such strong longing for any one person over another? Is such an experience real or illusory?

For now, I'm focusing on not holding back what I feel. Which doesn't mean I will act on everything feeling, just that I won't amputate the experience within me- as I've been known to do.

Thanks- and love- to Jeremy for teaching me this.